Because I never shut up. I have something to say about everything, and usually it's too much. So there.
Ever since I was a little girl, I've been told I talk too much. This is true. It is very, very true. Embarrassing, even. When I was five, I got in trouble for talking too much at school, and my dad had to sit down with me and teach me that the little red dinging seat belt light in the car meant stop talking. I'm that girl at Bible Study who monopolizes the conversation until the leader gives me the evil eye that someone else should get to talk. I'm that girl at the party who doesn't meet a stranger, and if I don't know who you are- I'm gonna find out. I'm that girl who's sister and best friends have to wait on me to take a breath so they can get a word in edge-wise. I'm that girl who something to say about every person on Facebook's posts. Even people I don't know. It's seriously embarrassing. Because- I'm. That. Girl.
So, I write this blog for myself. I like to hear myself talk, and this is where I get to do it with reckless abandon. It's my space. I love to write- to let the feelings, emotions and thoughts come out. Someone once told me that if you're meant to do something, then Holy Spirit will not let you NOT do it. Meaning, you can't help it. You must. That is me. So, I pour it all out here. For me. And yes, for you, if you want to listen. Cause I'm all about finding a listener. Blogging is a bit terrifying because let's face it. Can you be real? Can you really lay your innermost thoughts out there, and not worry what people think? What will people think if I tell them I'm _____________???? What will people think if they know what I REALLY think???? I'm not completely there, but I'm getting there.
But I recently realized I'm not a very good writer, because I write for me, and not for the reader. That made me sad. Because I want you to like my writing. I write it, I rewrite it, I edit it, I re-word it, I try to fix typos so that it reads well. (But I am well aware that I have missed quite a few in my time, and sometimes I'm so over editing myself that I let them stay in). This is probably vanity. And pride. But I love it. I love reading and editing my writing to an embarrassing degree. Probably because this is something I don't do very well in real life- when actual words come tumbling out of my mouth in a jumble. I've offended, I've stepped on toes, I've been careless with words, with information. I've done it all- because talking out loud isn't like getting to edit yourself on paper or on a blog or in a journal. (Don't get me started on journals. I have at least 4-5 dating back to when I got my first at 10 years old- good reading I tell ya). I'm working on this. I have been for a long time... it's getting better. I've said it before, and I'll say it again- Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst has really, really helped me start to manage my words, my tone. Imperfect progress.
I've been food fasting with Seven this week (seven favorite foods), and one of the things that's rolling around in my wordy head is that I talk too much. I. Talk. Too. Much. And I've seriously been mulling around the fact that maybe I need a 24 hour Talk Fast. This scares the daylights out of me. It sounds all Monk-ish and medieval, and I'm not even sure I'm capable. But maybe it's what I need.
It's about to get all scary up in here, ya'll. Cause either this blog is gettin' real, or I'm taking a vow of silence. (You probably won't get to vote. LOL)
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