A work in progress

Not much to post about at this point. It seems like lately, I am full of deeper, reflective thoughts.

I'm in the process of evaluating alot of things in my life. Alot of this has come out of our home groups' study of the Purpose Driven Life. I've had that book for about 3 or 4 years, and never finished it until now- I think I wasn't ready to commit. I didn't really WANT to know what I needed to do, or change, or focus on. You know- the whole "mylifeisfinethewayitis" mentality. Well, I did miss SOME of the reading, but at least between my reading, the sermon series, and home group- I'm getting a good bit of the jist- I will need to re-read, and review. The truth is, if I want that deeper Relationship... I have to change some things. And the way I think. I've been working on that. I'm a work in progress, you know... so everyone cut me a little slack, and I'll try to do the same for you.

I've come to realize, I'm probably one of the "EGR's" of the world- "Extra Grace Required" (for people to tolerate me). I'm an extremely vocal person and a proliferate writer of words (obviously), and that probably gets me in trouble more often than not.

I'm the first one to fire off an email, or letter to a company's headquarters, all in an effort to fight for 'consumer's rights'. I've convinced myself that it's for a good cause. I put alot of energy and passion into my words- whether it's a customer service complaint or compliment, an email, a blog, or even a conversation. This can be good, and it can be bad. It's probably better when I write things down first because when words fly off the tip of my tongue, they're usually the wrong ones, at the wrong time. Too bad I don't have to write them all down first, so I'd have to re-read them 5 times before "posting".

Although, I will say that there have been times when my words have maybe made sense to SOMEONE, and maybe made a difference. At least I hope so. That's something I need to pattern more of my life after Jesus. When He spoke, it was worth saying, important, and timed perfectly. My speech is usually useless, hot-air, ill-timed, and sometimes even inappropriate. I'll admit it. So for those of you in my who've been victims of this, I apologize. Again, I'm a work in progress. Forgive me.

A month of Sundays

The thing I love about my girlfriends is this.... we don't have to call each other every day, or see each other every day, or even email on a regular basis. It sounds awful. But everyone of those girls knows that we can count on each other, whether we talked yesterday, or a couple weeks ago. Over the years, we've added jobs, husbands, children, and now, even more children. Time races by, and suddenly it's been too long since we've talked. Yet, lately, we have somehow made it a point to make an effort to reinforce our friendship by meeting at least once a month for dinner. These night outs have become a welcome break from the rest of our lives. And we always somehow manage to pick up where we left off, and are usually sad when it comes to an end at the end of the night.

Typically during a night like this, conversation ranges from silly to nostalgic, serious to taboo, but there's almost always a deeper reflective moment. This past week, at Kubutos, we dodged a flying shrimp tail while we discussed a couple of movies. (Neither of which I have seen, I might add). I've seen the previews of the movie Click, but we were talking about how quickly life speeds by... even without the fast-forward. Afterall, it was just a short 8 years ago, us girls were wild and crazy Maple Girls (my sister-in-law recently mentioned she thought I was in a sorority- I guess I was, in our own version). Now, most of us have kids, and some of us a whopping 2 KIDS.

My comment was that a couple years ago, while I was working full time... I found myself every day wishing it was Friday afternoon so I could go home, and veg with the family. Until one day- I realized- I was missing out on what Monday thru Friday had to offer. I was so busy wishing for the weekend, that I was slowly wishing my life away. I changed my mind-set after that. I didn't want to live like that anymore. After leaving the girls that night, I felt so content.

Today, that's not really the case. Sometimes I feel like I just run from one thing to another... only to feel like at the end of the day, I've accomplished nothing of any importance. The house is still a mess, laundry still needs to be done, and my TO DO list far outweighs my DONE list.

I hate to whine, but some moms seem like they have it all together... and still have time for play-dates; while I feel guilty for taking too long of a shower, or sneaking in a nap every couple weeks or so, much less taking time for a play-date with other moms. I wondered aloud to Martin, as to why I can't seem to do it all... I guess I never will have it all done. Maybe if I had a month of Sundays...

He Thinks

He thinks that no one notices
that he is up before the sun... but I do.

He thinks that no one realizes
he runs off of the caffeine from his coffee,
and the drive to provide for his family... but I do.

He sometimes goes all day with only one meal,
no time to eat, or, at 10 pm, he's too tired.
He thinks no one knows... but I do.

He sometimes works 10, 11, 12 hour days,
sometimes longer,
and thinks no one appreciates it... but I do.

End of the day,
he still goes in to see his oldest sleeping,
gives the youngest the last bottle-
just to have a couple minutes with them.
He thinks that doesn't count... but I do.

He would rather spend time
with us than out at fancy dinner,
or living the crazy "fun" life...
most of them don't understand, but I do.

He thinks no one knows
that at the heart of it all,
lies a heart that loves his God and family,
and aims to please both... but I do.