#realChristmas

Author’s note: While my goal is to take this blog in a “Traveling direction” in the future (I’m sitting on at least 3 good traveling blogs), this is a blog I started last Christmas Eve 2014, with a few mental notes. Because my holiday did end up being so hurried and rushed, I never fully got those thoughts down on paper until I jotted a few notes down, in APRIL.  April, 2015, for the love. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed this season and feeling like you may not catch up until April, then this blog is for you.

Last Christmas, was, well, less than my ideal. I heard myself repeatedly saying to M, that I just “wasn’t feeling it this year”. I couldn’t really pinpoint why, but my whole attitude seemed out of whack. Well, okay, I can pin point a few why’s…. but generally speaking, the holiday season had me very  cranky, and more than once I found myself singing, “Where are you Christmas” from The Grinch. If you know me, you know this to be a truth.

 I remember sitting in the floor of my living room, wrapping presents under the glow of the lights from the tree and feeling oh-so-wonky, like dizzy, and hot- like I had a fever… but there was no time for that. There was no time for me as a mom to slow down, be sick in the Christmas season.  We have to bring the MAGIC. We have to bring the JOY. We have to bring the smiles, and the wrapping, and the laughter, and the decorated cookies, and the oh-so-thoughtful gestures. We have to bring the Pinterest, for cryin’ out loud. So I pressed on, kept on going. The same week, I took one boy, and then both boys in to find out that they had the flu, and if I remember correctly, one or more also had strep. Nothing really slows you down during the holiday season like two kiddos missing school with the flu before Christmas break even starts. So, I was still feeling badly myself, so thought, well, shoot, better go get checked out because as the saying goes, “Ain’t nobody got time for this”. I headed to the clinic, only to find out, nope, not flu, not strep; but I’d been walking around with double ear infections for at least a week. By that point, I was so run down that the bed called my name constantly, while the “Joy” of the season still beckoned for me to wrap it up, already. This leads to one stressed out, anxious and obnoxiously crazy mother.

I ended up getting it all done. The presents bought, wrapped, and shipped; cards addressed, stamped and mailed (albeit down to the wire); teachers and neighbors “blessed” (confession: I feel snarky even writing that as I reflect on my attitude); stocking stuffers, meals and cookies prepared. But the whole time, I just had a straight-up sorry ass attitude that had nothing to do with Mary’s humble donkey.  How’s that in a Christmas blog? I’m pretty sure that by this point, my husband and kids were ready to trade me in. I remember saying to M, this is not what Christmas is supposed to be about. I feel like I can’t even enjoy the season for the real Reason because of all this “stuff”. While the “stuff” begged to be done, I was resentful of it, and of giving it my focus.

This is a real picture from my facebook page on December 16, 2014. The caption reads, "I'm titling this one- 'dysfunctional Christmas.' You know, for when your dogs mangled the bottom of the tree, knock off the ornaments, run all over the presents, the star won't stay on top and half the lights burn out. #realChristmas"

We schlepped out to church on Christmas Eve, and I remember I still wasn’t in the finest of spirits. However, I love my church, and true to form, they brought it; God brought it.

For some reason, I felt God prodding my thoughts to Mary. I thought about how, like every new expecting Mom, she probably thought her delivery would be dream-like, and lovely; filled with a comfy bed and maybe a mid-wife, some essential oils and timed, just oh-so-perfectly. I mean, this was the birth of the Son of God, we’re talking about here. She probably thought she would be able to have her mother or cousin, Elizabeth-beside her, coaching her through each labor pain (because you know, no epidural); and Joseph waiting anxiously and lovingly in the next room. She probably pictured receiving family and friends bearing gifts and greeting them with a gracious queen like smile as she sat tucked comfortably on her bed.

But then, the tax man called. Well, that’s really inconvenient timing; can we defer? No? Well, better saddle up that donkey and get this over with because “Ain’t nobody got time for this, I’ve got a baby due.”  And, speaking of the donkey, well how’s that for some discomfort? I picture myself laboring through my first son and after two excruciating and exhausting nights, I cannot for the life of me imagine being on a donkey during that time. And then, I wonder if, as she realized that the time had indeed come- I wonder if tears of panic and even, maybe disappointment came to her eyes as she realized there would be no safe, comfortable, clean room or bed; there would be no other comforting family presence; there would be no mid-wife, no essential oils, no “baby’s first outfit”. Did she feel bereft of the presence of family, gifts and warm wishes to welcome her newborn?

While the Scriptures do point toward her being extraordinarily faithful and strong prior to delivery, I can’t know what Mary thought or felt that night; other than “Mary pondered these things and kept them in her heart” afterward. But, my point is this- Christ came anyway. Christmas came anyway. Despite the miserable timing, poor circumstances, discomfort, inconvenience, maybe even a little fear and disappointment- Christ came anyway.

And, through it all, God provided. He provided the warmth of the stable and the animals nearby. He provided the strength and courage of Joseph to help her through the physical pain. He provided the first outfit, he provided new friends of shepherds and wise men bearing gifts; he even provided the well wishes and birth announcement by way of the very angels on high. And it was better. It was so much better than anything she could have asked for or imagined.

As I processed through Christmas Eve service, it all descended on me. My first world issues being so inconsequential; especially compared to some who are truly suffering real desperation, pain and loss this very moment. My heart swelled and my eyes welled with the realization that my not-so-tidy first world Christmas problems do not matter. Mommas- slow down, breathe in the Season. We don’t have to bring the magic, we don’t have to bring the joy. Because, ready or not, Christmas comes anyway. Christ came anyway.

Stick-y Situation

I do this every summer. I start out all gung-ho; THIS will be the summer that my kids do chores every day, read every day, do math every day, and return to their various school campuses in the fall as all around well-rounded, responsible and educated students that will BLOW THEIR TEACHERS MINDS. Not that I have high aspirations or anything. I know I'm not alone in this. I KNOW it. I know I'm not the only one who has tried just about every pinterest trick, system, torture method and idea to get my house to stay clean, my kids from screaming the ever present, "I'm BORED!" and turning into mindless gaming zombies all summer.

Frankly, since I recently just quit my full time job (um, that is QUITE another blog, for another time), I don't have the budget to run my kids around town exploring $300 camps and all of that other fun stuff everyone else does every week, all summer. They get ONE. One. Camp. Other than that, we will do chores. And Read. LOL.

So, last week, I decided to try out this system. To my knowledge, it is an Amanda original, but in all fairness, who knows if this is something I remember subconsciously from Pinterest. If that is the case, credit where credit is due. But again, I think it's all my genius....

Materials:

Colored popsicle sticks from Hobby Lobby (I chose fat ones)
Adhesive Magnetic strips
One magnetic pen cup
Label Maker
Black sharpie

Action:

First, I made a list of all the things that bug me when my kids DON'T do them. Then I added a couple things I thought might build character, or grow their little minds. Next up is labeling the sticks. I decided to kind of categorize them by color- red for chores that should definitely be done daily and are deal breakers for me if not done. Teal for mind growing activities, green for pet responsibilities, yellow for chores that must be done but are no fun. Really it's up to you what goes on here, and what colors you use. Technically, you could mix them up. I then labeled the sticks. I ended up with 10 per kid. I did the same set of sticks for each kid. You could also change this up if certain kids have certain chores. I then attached the magnetic strips. I bought a packet of 12 strips, but cut them in half to make them go farther. I also made a FUN TIME stick.

Next up, I labeled the pen cup with "Rewards" and "Chores". The idea being, if one kid has a great day, they get to pull a reward stick, and if they need a consequence (or complain of being bored), they pull a chore stick. This is similar to the jars I did last summer. I then started labeling these sticks. I used purple for reward, yellow for chore- but again, up to you. Ideas of rewards I used were- Dollar store pick, Get Ice Cream, Homemade treat (let them help make), Make Dinner (um, this is an actual reward in my house, strange, I know), RedBox choice, special outing, cash bonus. Chores are heinous things I really hate doing but know they can handle. This pretty much includes any household chore. HA!

I lined each kid's sticks up on the fridge in a stack, and put Make Bed and Clean Sink at the top and FUN TIME at the bottom.

At this point, the bright rainbow colors going up on the fridge were starting to attract a crowd of curious onlookers- which is exactly what I'd hoped for. C wanted to know when we get to start. M, on the other hand is wise to this summer game and was eyeing it skeptically. I explained that each day, they would need to complete the chore sticks to earn the free FUN TIME. They can complete the sticks in any order they like- (except Make Bed and Clean Sink), but they all must be complete before they can have tv or game time. They can also take as long as they want in one day to complete them, but there is no fun time stick until they're done. Once a chore is finished, it goes to the bottom of the stack, slowly moving fun time up.

Surprising outcomes of this:

1. C woke up the next morning and immediately made his bed for maybe the 3rd time in his life- (note, system was not yet in place as it was not summer yet).
2. C asked daily when it would start.
3. When reviewing the Thoughtful Deed stick, C could not think of anything, so asked for an extra chore stick. Um, yes, you may.... he cleaned my toilets (and washed his hands). No judging.
4. By 11 am, his chore chart looked like this.

Plus, we had spent some quality time practicing piano together- beyond the original time required. He earned the Redbox stick because he finished all his chores in a timely manner.

So, all in all, I'm pretty excited about this one. M is at camp, so it remains to be seen how a middle schooler will respond. But I will say that pulling from the bored jar last summer worked SO WELL that I never once heard "I'm bored". In retrospect, I'm considering adding a quiet time stick- or read a Bible Verse stick.

So there you go- a productive day by 11am, and C suggested that I make chore sticks for myself. He's probably right. I should.

What inexpensive rewards do you have for your kids? DO you like this system? What would you change?

This lesson has been modified to fit your screen....

Okay, this one is going to be a vent.

I am not technology challenged, but neither am I am technology genius. But I am seriously scratching my head over the last 4 weeks of middle school.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a limited amount of screen time for our kids- including computer screens, ipods, phones, and tv time. At least, that's the way I understand it. This is already a struggle in my home as I have two gamer sons. So, why, oh, why, must there be so much REQUIRED screen time in our middle school agendas and learning? I'm ok with some of it- I know you need to relate to what the kids are doing now, but let me enlighten you about what it does to me as a parent- because I can't even imagine how overwhelmed Mason feels right now...

Mason has 7-8 periods a day. With at least 7 teachers. Each teacher has an email address and corresponds with me by emails. So I have spent the last 4-5 weeks frantically searching my email box for their correspondence, only to find some of it 2 days late, in my junk folder. Oh, wait- we added a new permanent social studies sub, so even though I added the original teacher to my in box, the new teacher is now going to my junk mail. This sender, (and the other 7) are now safe. Phew, that should do it, right? I should be getting everything I need to know, right?

Oh, wait, no, they don't all email- some prefer to use the school "education app" Edmodo- it's really cool- like a facebook for teachers, parents and students. Oh, but wait- we don't ALWAYS put the assignments or correspond by Edmodo- sometimes we prefer to have the students write them in their agendas instead, so please check that too. Please see Mason's specific username and passcode 3795867b voho to access Edmodo. You will only have the parent view of the folder unless you log in as Mason using his specific username and passcode woiuer oiuo.

By the way, you can conveniently check all of his grades, attendance and tardies on our "Home Access Center". This is convenient way to stay on top of his work and grades. You will need his other username _________ and password lwiu iuoe. Oh wait, he's late on his assignment? Please check his agenda...

It depends on the teacher as to whether they want to have assignments in the agenda or on Edmodo...

Oh wait, he didn't write it in his agenda? Then maybe you better count on him to bring the notebook home with the notes and assignment in it to complete at home. I'm sorry if you didn't know about said notebook and said assignment needing to come home, and it wasn't on the Edmodo tab- but he didn't complete his assignments on time, so now he will have to stay after school for 3 HOURS to complete it.

Oh, wait, you didn't know we use three additional sites for Math? Oh, I'm so sorry, they're in my signature line on the email that went to your junk folder. There are also individual usernames and passwords for each of the other two math sites we use to keep the kids sharp.

Please keep these usernames and passwords in a safe place where you and your child have access to them and please stay on top of your kids to make sure they are completing all assignments on time.

Please bring your own device to school, because we will be "flipping" the lesson- we'll give them notes, but they'll need to go online to learn the lesson...

What, the what????? Someone, please help me- am I alone here? I have no idea how to know what's going on at any given time, and I really feel like to get to the bottom of it, I have to spend a good 30 minutes of MY day making sense of something like homework assignments that really shouldn't be that complicated. Help. I'd love any of your tips and tricks to make this middle school thing flow easier.