#realChristmas

Author’s note: While my goal is to take this blog in a “Traveling direction” in the future (I’m sitting on at least 3 good traveling blogs), this is a blog I started last Christmas Eve 2014, with a few mental notes. Because my holiday did end up being so hurried and rushed, I never fully got those thoughts down on paper until I jotted a few notes down, in APRIL.  April, 2015, for the love. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed this season and feeling like you may not catch up until April, then this blog is for you.

Last Christmas, was, well, less than my ideal. I heard myself repeatedly saying to M, that I just “wasn’t feeling it this year”. I couldn’t really pinpoint why, but my whole attitude seemed out of whack. Well, okay, I can pin point a few why’s…. but generally speaking, the holiday season had me very  cranky, and more than once I found myself singing, “Where are you Christmas” from The Grinch. If you know me, you know this to be a truth.

 I remember sitting in the floor of my living room, wrapping presents under the glow of the lights from the tree and feeling oh-so-wonky, like dizzy, and hot- like I had a fever… but there was no time for that. There was no time for me as a mom to slow down, be sick in the Christmas season.  We have to bring the MAGIC. We have to bring the JOY. We have to bring the smiles, and the wrapping, and the laughter, and the decorated cookies, and the oh-so-thoughtful gestures. We have to bring the Pinterest, for cryin’ out loud. So I pressed on, kept on going. The same week, I took one boy, and then both boys in to find out that they had the flu, and if I remember correctly, one or more also had strep. Nothing really slows you down during the holiday season like two kiddos missing school with the flu before Christmas break even starts. So, I was still feeling badly myself, so thought, well, shoot, better go get checked out because as the saying goes, “Ain’t nobody got time for this”. I headed to the clinic, only to find out, nope, not flu, not strep; but I’d been walking around with double ear infections for at least a week. By that point, I was so run down that the bed called my name constantly, while the “Joy” of the season still beckoned for me to wrap it up, already. This leads to one stressed out, anxious and obnoxiously crazy mother.

I ended up getting it all done. The presents bought, wrapped, and shipped; cards addressed, stamped and mailed (albeit down to the wire); teachers and neighbors “blessed” (confession: I feel snarky even writing that as I reflect on my attitude); stocking stuffers, meals and cookies prepared. But the whole time, I just had a straight-up sorry ass attitude that had nothing to do with Mary’s humble donkey.  How’s that in a Christmas blog? I’m pretty sure that by this point, my husband and kids were ready to trade me in. I remember saying to M, this is not what Christmas is supposed to be about. I feel like I can’t even enjoy the season for the real Reason because of all this “stuff”. While the “stuff” begged to be done, I was resentful of it, and of giving it my focus.

This is a real picture from my facebook page on December 16, 2014. The caption reads, "I'm titling this one- 'dysfunctional Christmas.' You know, for when your dogs mangled the bottom of the tree, knock off the ornaments, run all over the presents, the star won't stay on top and half the lights burn out. #realChristmas"

We schlepped out to church on Christmas Eve, and I remember I still wasn’t in the finest of spirits. However, I love my church, and true to form, they brought it; God brought it.

For some reason, I felt God prodding my thoughts to Mary. I thought about how, like every new expecting Mom, she probably thought her delivery would be dream-like, and lovely; filled with a comfy bed and maybe a mid-wife, some essential oils and timed, just oh-so-perfectly. I mean, this was the birth of the Son of God, we’re talking about here. She probably thought she would be able to have her mother or cousin, Elizabeth-beside her, coaching her through each labor pain (because you know, no epidural); and Joseph waiting anxiously and lovingly in the next room. She probably pictured receiving family and friends bearing gifts and greeting them with a gracious queen like smile as she sat tucked comfortably on her bed.

But then, the tax man called. Well, that’s really inconvenient timing; can we defer? No? Well, better saddle up that donkey and get this over with because “Ain’t nobody got time for this, I’ve got a baby due.”  And, speaking of the donkey, well how’s that for some discomfort? I picture myself laboring through my first son and after two excruciating and exhausting nights, I cannot for the life of me imagine being on a donkey during that time. And then, I wonder if, as she realized that the time had indeed come- I wonder if tears of panic and even, maybe disappointment came to her eyes as she realized there would be no safe, comfortable, clean room or bed; there would be no other comforting family presence; there would be no mid-wife, no essential oils, no “baby’s first outfit”. Did she feel bereft of the presence of family, gifts and warm wishes to welcome her newborn?

While the Scriptures do point toward her being extraordinarily faithful and strong prior to delivery, I can’t know what Mary thought or felt that night; other than “Mary pondered these things and kept them in her heart” afterward. But, my point is this- Christ came anyway. Christmas came anyway. Despite the miserable timing, poor circumstances, discomfort, inconvenience, maybe even a little fear and disappointment- Christ came anyway.

And, through it all, God provided. He provided the warmth of the stable and the animals nearby. He provided the strength and courage of Joseph to help her through the physical pain. He provided the first outfit, he provided new friends of shepherds and wise men bearing gifts; he even provided the well wishes and birth announcement by way of the very angels on high. And it was better. It was so much better than anything she could have asked for or imagined.

As I processed through Christmas Eve service, it all descended on me. My first world issues being so inconsequential; especially compared to some who are truly suffering real desperation, pain and loss this very moment. My heart swelled and my eyes welled with the realization that my not-so-tidy first world Christmas problems do not matter. Mommas- slow down, breathe in the Season. We don’t have to bring the magic, we don’t have to bring the joy. Because, ready or not, Christmas comes anyway. Christ came anyway.