The week of the media fast left me irritable, angry, upset and lonely. I should mention that during this week- the Boston Bombing happened on Monday, followed by the West, TX explosions on Wednesday (Only 1-1/2 hrs away), and the massive manhunts for the bombing suspects. I was inundated by bad news on tv and internet- which was all I had; and craved some happy kittens and baby faces from Facebook. There's only so many times you can check the weather ya'll- even when you're a weather nerd like me. By Saturday, I was just about to melt down and had Martin trolling Facebook for me and feeding me snippets of information. This showed me a lot about myself- who am I following for entertainment and gossipy purposes, whose lives and families I legitimately follow, and who could I maybe unsubscribe from because their threads are giant pinterest boards. I know that's not all nice, but it's true.
By Saturday afternoon, I was ready to quit the fast. That evening was our annual neighborhood mashed potato fight, and the following day (Sunday) was BOTH of my kids baptisms. At the thought of not being able to post pictures and cute jokes, trash talk (to my mashed potato neighbors, not the baptism stuff), and pondering inspirational thoughts- I became angrier and even resentful. It didn't seem right to not share this with my family and friends. I was sharing GroupMe texts with the Bible Study girls and they were all, "You can do it!", "Hang in there!", "Savor the joy...", blah, blah, blah. No offense girls. But I was upset and resentful and that just got on my nerves like a drug addict fighting an intervention. At one point Saturday afternoon, I asked Martin- "At what point is a fast not healthy!?!?! I'm not learning anything spiritually. I've got NOTHING!" He didn't have an answer. But the Bible Study girls words haunted me like a bad rash, and I held on. (I'm thankful now).
Five days in- the break through came to me on Sunday morning during service. Jim said (I think it was Jim?) "If you're looking toward a wide audience for affirmation then you're not looking to God. And that's a sin." (Or, something very close to that, but that was the general idea). Oh. The sermon was not even about Facebook, it was about love. But that little tidbit was there just for me. I realized that I look to Facebook, pinterest, blog, etc- for affirmation. "Oh, you're so funny, oh your kids are so cute (insert kind, funny, sweet, huggable), what a cute family!, oh how pretty you look in that dress". This is an easy hole to get sucked into for me, because hubs is gone a lot. And I get lonely. I literally have days where I'm clicking refresh to "hear" another adult (besides the Target cashier) say something. Even better if it's to me. And it's nice.
I powered through, and did not break the fast. not once. Even when I got the message from FB that I had all those notifications waiting on me.
On Tuesday when we went back to Bible Study and reviewed/discussed our week, I threw up on the table (verbally,not literally)- just because I wanted to hear what they had to say about it. I posed the same question to them that I had to Martin- at what point is a fast not healthy? One friend replied, "when I did the media fast... I knew that when I wasn't yet learning or growing through the thing- I needed to go longer because I wasn't ready to learn or grow yet." Oh, again. And I thought my bad attitude would get me off the hook.
So, Facebook and Pinterest are still not on my phone- just on the ipad. Those 21 notifications? 17 of them were invitations to play Candy Crush, Slyngo, Jyngo, Jango, Fashionista, and Star Wars Angry Birds; I don't even know if I got all those game names right- but I'm not a gamer on Facebook or ipad, and I learned really quick how to unsubscribe from those requests. I also find Facebook way less interesting (almost annoying), and find myself posting less. Usually when I do post- it's pictures, so I do have instagram. During this journey with Seven, I made a new friend at the church, and she pointed out that Facebook can be a good thing- when used the right way. So I've been trying to find ways to use it for good- for example swapping/sharing stuff instead of buying new stuff, encouraging friends with a verse or prayer or encouragement I know they might need to face a certain situation, reading inspirational blogs I've seen on Facebook. So, it's not all bad. But it can also be used the wrong way.
How are you using social media for good? I'd love to hear your ideas!
No comments:
Post a Comment