The big hypocrite

Matthew 6:16
New International Version (NIV)
Fasting

16 “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.


Yeah. This week- this verse applies to me. The big hypocrite. I'm grumpy, irritable and just not a happy person. I can't tell if this I because I'm PMS-y, the world is going to hockeysticks in a hand basket and its downright depressing, or if I'm stinking irritated and lonely from lack of social interaction. Any whichwayyoucutit, I'm upset at my attitude right now.

I have tears in my heart and lump in my throat because of Boston, and closer to my heart- West Texas. This hurts my heart especially as the sister of a Chief volunteer fireman. A public servant his whole adult life- I know that he would swoop in on a seconds notice just the way those first responders did, and so- these deaths hurt me. Lord help us all. Prayers for West Texas and Boston.

Going Dark

I'm about 36 hours into my media fast- which will consist of no facebook and no pinterest for 7 days. For some people that's no big deal. For me, I'm realizing it is.

I didn't have a lot of problems deleting the Facebook app from my ipad (this was the last thing I took off my phone at the last second) but I DID have some issues with Pinterest. I texted my friend, Ann, who's already done this fast- to make sure that it wouldn't delete all my pins for all eternity by removing the app temporarily from phone and ipad. Because there's some important stuff on there. On my pinterest boards. Like, how to grow sweet potatoes from an organic one. And what plants can surround my patio to keep mosquitoes away. And my recipes (very few have failed me yet). Plus, my best friend's getting married, and we all know that my pins for her wedding will make it or break it. How in the world will my garden survive without Pinterest? (So far, so good).

I did not let my cell phone ride on my dash board yesterday like it was my best friend. It stayed in my purse and I felt very naked. Also, in the last 36 hours, my husband has been stuck in Chicago (thanks American Airlines computer gliche) for a full 24+ hrs more than he'd planned. I specifically planned this fast so he'd be here, so I'd have some adult conversation and companionship. So it's been a long 24 hours. With no one to "talk" too, or banter with. Oh my Lord what a sad little person I've become when Facebook is my best friend when Martin's out of town. I have been having a full-on pity party for 24 hours or more. There's nothing spiritual going on here except me realizing I count on people and "Noise" too much. (This probably stems from my childhood years of 4 siblings plus 2 parents, a couple of dogs, a couple of birds, Lord knows how many cats and even a couple bunnies, and maybe even a few extra relatives living in the same house as me. It was never quiet. I can't do quiet).



A few tidbits my Facebook world has missed:

My need for parenting advice when one of my kids lied PLUS disobeyed me directly, and the other was an accomplice.
Me slamming my finger in the bathroom door and not being able to whine about it. (It still hurts ya'll).
Husband sitting in an airport for at least 5+ hours before American finally cancelled his flight and he gave up and got a hotel.
American Airlines calling me at 4:45am to let me know hubby's NEW flight was cancelled too. Yes, thank you. I needed to know that. (No I couldn't go back to sleep).
And the fact that I've consumed at least 6 chocolate chip cookies in the past 24 hours (2 at breakfast) to replace the vice.

Good Lord. Ya'll need to KNOW this stuff!!!! I just realized everyone of those was negative. But hey, it wasn't a great day.

Good things about it so far:

NONE.

Just kidding.

I haven't had to read a lot of stuff about Boston (which makes me sad, depressed and angry) unless I choose too.
I haven't gotten down nearly as many rabbit holes- ie: check Facebook news feeds, which leads me to read friends blog- which leads to an article about ____ in our foods,(OMG I ALMOST JUST PULLED UP FB TO SEE WHAT THAT WORD WAS ON HER BLOG!), which leads to the article on which food products contain _____ and which brands to buy/avoid, back to facebook updates- repeat process.
I read books with the boys last night.
I watched Mason play basketball.
I folded 5 loads of laundry (too many).
I did my Bible study.
I'm sending cards to 3 friends.
I've got a niggling suspicion I'm supposed to be letting God and my family fill up my silence instead of white noise.

Hopefully, I'll get off my hiney and take a walk later. Instead of scrolling around. Even now, I can't post this blog to Facebook. Gah.

Do You Like to Shop? Yes, yes I do.

So, before I begin my media chapter (no facebook/pinterest starts tonight at 10:30- Lord give me strength), I wanted to share with you the two little nuggets I found while researching for Possessions last week.

So, in the book Jen recommends under "Further Action" for possesions outfitting an apartment for a refugee family. For some reason, this really stuck with me. How must it feel to leave your home, family, friends, country and go to a totally new and extremely different place- not knowing the language or having a job lined up? The idea scares me till I'm sick to my stomach. So, I decided to see how I could help with this.

I did a little googling and found that actually there are NOT a lot of organizations that assist families with this in the Dallas area- maybe 2? But I did find that the Catholic Charities of Dallas has a ministry in this area. Now, I need to take a moment and say- I'm not Catholic (hubby was raised Catholic, but I'm not). But I have to tell you that nearly all the searches I did pointed me to the work that the Catholic church is doing for the community and internationally- not just with refugees but across the board. It was A LOT. It made me wonder why we haven't all jumped on this wagon before now. I was impressed that it seems to be a major focus of their global church, and I think we could all learn a thing or two about their compassion ministries.

I digress. So, after some digging around to different churches, sites, etc. I was pointed to Catholic Charities of Dallas. I found that they have a retail store that benefits refugees monetarily or with household items to outfit their temporary apartments while they adjust to a new life. They even pick up in my area. Sah-weet.(I still need to verify this and call for pick up when I'm done gathering my stuff- but Frisco is referenced as a pick up area). So, I will be calling them to come get the household items I'm donating, as well as a piece of furniture or two.

Also, in my digging, I landed on this page called VolunteerMatch.org. It's basically a data base of volunteer opportunities across the world. You can even plug in what you like to do, what you're good at, what pulls at your heart strings, and it will help you match up to volunteer opportunities that you might enjoy. Nif-ty! So,just based on the fact that I googled Refugee apartments Dallas (or something like that), this page came up and showed an open position with Catholic Charities of Dallas for "Apartment Set Up Volunteer". Description said something like, "Do you like to shop?" (Yes). "This position is an opportunity to assist a refugee family by shopping off a list of items (we give you the money), and setting up a new apartment- including making beds, etc." Okay. this is right up my alley. I love doing stuff like this.



So, I connected to the organization through Volunteer Match. I got an email immediately with the organization's contact info, and had an email directly from the organization coordinator within the day. I'm looking into this now, as a way to volunteer one day a week in the community. Still some paperwork, training, background checks, etc, but I'm checking it out!

My point is that I've had several girlfriends bemoan the fact that they want to DO something. Contribute something. Too often, while we as moms are raising our kids as a contribution to society- we want more. I think that's AWESOME! I know when Coen started preschool/kinder I was left feeling like I had lost some of the purpose in my day; and I've heard other friends say the same. Girls, if this is you, then here's your chance! Jump on the site, find what pulls at your heart strings and DO something! There's tons of opportunities, charities, times, and availability.

I know I'm going to have plenty of extra time this week- what with the Facebook fast and all. Yikes.

*UPDATE: Just contacted Catholic Charities of Dallas. They WILL pick up in Frisco. I am booked a week out for next Wednesday. They will take gently used furniture that is not broken, stained, etc. Also, up to 5 bags or boxes. So, now, I just need to go get this stuff boxed up.

The Cry Room

I almost had to use the cry room at church today. Not because I have a crying baby in the service, necessarily, but because I was about to BE a crying baby in the service.

Many of you might know, I work as a "hostess" of sorts for our first time guest check in at church. I assist new families with signing their kids in, assigning rooms, and acting as a mini tour guide of Preston Trail Community Church. (Love, love, love, love, love my church ya'll). I really, really love this role I'm in- I never want anyone to walk out of the church feeling like there's not a community of love and support there. I love it so much, that I have been known to run back to the desk between tours so that no one else gets to greet MY first time guests. So funny on the days when I find myself doing that.

Anyway, today I had an experience like no other. I've been in this role for several years now, and have never once had an unpleasant guest or experience. Until now. I'm not sure what the deal was, but this guest came in with guns blaring for some reason. I was asked if I was a regular volunteer, because things just seemed "sooo disorganized". Those were her exact words. I was baffled by the attack as she fired questions at me, and attacked the way we do things (all of which is entirely safe, organized and done with love and care). I felt my face flush, I stuttered, I didn't know what to do. I told her we're almost at capacity in every service, so while things might seem disorganized, and busy, it DOES work, and there are methods. She kept at it. Then she went after one of the children's directors, and said, "This place does NOT work for me!" and spun on her heel and walked away. Okay. What in the world? Welcome to Jesus' house, ya'll. There was more, but I'm not going to go into it.

I kept my cool, but I can tell you I walked back to the desk stunned. I take these kind of things too personally, and I felt somewhere between two things- a) I had failed at making her feel comfortable in the church and b) well, she didn't know what she was missing in Preston Trail. I explained to my friend Denyse, who's on staff (in case we get a phone call or email), and I said, "How could she say that?!?!?! I think I'm really GOOD at 1st time guests! Boy that's a bruise to the ego!" We both laughed. No, but really. I have a bruised ego.(I feel like if this was Twitter I would insert the hashtag #notaboutme here).

So, we go into the service a bit late, and guess what? The service is on "7 Reasons It's Hard For Me To Love You"- Specifically, for this week- "You get on my last nerve". Oh. How appropriate. Jim's message (you can download notes or stream our services live HERE) was on 1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient. Love is Kind" and it was not your normal wedding sermon. Things I wrote down that stuck out- "We don't have to LIKE everyone, but we can make the choice to act in ways of love for their good." "Being patient allows us time to understand why people are who they are." "Remember how patient he's been with us." "Transforming enmity into friendship is a game-changing life skill."

Then he referenced a verse that I loved: Romans 2:4

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

"4 Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?"


....MEANING.... we are to demonstrate the kindness, tolerance and patience as much as possible to others, because he did that for us. He led us to repentance with kindness, tolerance and patience. I thought about my first time guest, and this sermon served as a nudging from the Holy Spirit that helped me change my perspective on the ego assault. I felt bad for what she was missing out on in my great church community, and said a little prayer that whatever had made her that way, she would find a place that helped her let that go. She is not the enemy. Satan is. The five year ago Manda would never have done that for someone who took my ego, insulted it, threw it on the floor and did the Mexican hat dance around it. Thank you, Lord Jesus. This is some progress.

Now that's a lot of STUFF...

Week 3 is Possessions.

Now, I really didn't think this one is a big deal to me because I'm a purger by nature. I have been known in the past to actually purge things on impulse and regret it later. (I miss you, black leather boots). I can truthfully say that I typically purge half-heartedly at least every 6 months. (The exception to this has become my kids closets of toys because sorting 10 million legos, action figures, and matchbox cars takes me to brink of insanity. I do that about once per year).

However, this type of purging, Jen Hatmaker asks you do is different. It's purging with a purpose. With intent. To help someone else who doesn't have any of the clutter or even necessary "Stuff" that we have. (For some reason, her references to refugee family apartments has stuck with me this whole week- there is a lot there to talk about, but it will have to be another blog. My brain is seriously backed up with at least 3 blog posts right now). So, yesterday, I finally started out with the purging process I had been putting off for two weeks- trying to pull items that would help furnish an apartment. My goal is 210 items (30 items X 7 days).

Turns out it was quite liberating.

I started in the least obvious place you would think of... the tiniest closet in my house. The linen closet in my boy's bathroom. You would not believe the useful items I purged from that closet- stuff I look at all the time and NEVER USE.

21 useful items came from that closet. Next was the guest bedroom closet, which was ANOTHER puzzling gold mine of goodies. I guess we hide our "just in case" stuff in the least used rooms. And here I was thinking it would all come from my kid's rooms.... Hmmm. Then the bonus room and kids clothes. (Notice I'm still dodging toys).

Interesting items purged:

-Toddler toilet seat (seriously? My kids have been potty trained for at least 3-1/2 years; don't worry, I cleaned it!)
-Toddler step stool
-Brand new barely used trash can with garbage lid (uhhhh, why?)
-Deluxe foot bath Martin bought me while I was preggo. With Mason. 10-1/2 years ago.
-Hand towels, dish rags
-Queen size bedding set with shams, and decorative pillows that almost broke my heart to give away.
-Pack-n-play/bassinet/changing table with mobile- that I've been holding onto "just in case" or "for when a baby visits". Then I realized that I have very few visitors/friends with pack-n-play aged babies, anymore. And I just don't think my future daughter-in-law is going to want to put her baby in a 30 year old pack-n-play that will probably be recalled at that point.

-About half of the precious, precious baby clothes from my bin of favorite baby clothes that I had saved. I purged those a long time ago, but apparently, doing so while Coen was still a toddler left me with blinders on. Some of the clothes were not sentimental at all, but so stinkin cute that I obviously thought I couldn't part with them. I *might* or *might not've* cried, and sniffed baby clothes while I was doing that. The shoes and the "My Uncle is US Marine" Shirt, all stayed.



- A whole bunch of kid's costumes and games, that I will donate to the school that needs them most.

Perhaps the most fun I've had purging was my showroom. If you don't know what I do for a living- I sell stuff with logos- bags, tshirts, cups, etc. So, I have a whole office set up with samples of some of my "Stuff". This is where I got REALLY excited. Remember my homeless man problem last week? How I had nothing to give him? Well, as I was going through my shirt samples, I found that I had several duplicate shirts (brand new), so I purged them. Not to mention about 20 extra tote bags, back packs and grocery bags. Suddenly it clicked! I'm going to make homeless bags!!!! So I started stuffing the bags with a "big" item like a shirt, hat, scarf, etc. (Yes, I can do scarves). Then I added a sports bottle, coffee cup, etc. Then I went through my health and beauty items and found first aid kits, hand sanitizers, sun screens and lip balms... one for each. I know I have a ton of hotel samples Martin has brought me so I will be adding these to the bags too- I'm going to have the boys help me stuff them and distribute. I have created 20 bags!



With these bags, I will carry a few in my car to give out, and I might pass the rest on to a friend who works with the homeless regularly- so she can distribute them. This has been my favorite thing yet! So excited! Plus, I get to have a clean floor in my office! It's a win-win!

So far, I'm up to 162 items purged. I still have to do my kitchen, the bathroom cabinets, and the garage. Right now, I'm sweating the 210 number because I don't know if I have that many more things- I just purged some of the kitchen last month. But then again, I never would've thought I had 162 items to begin with either, so maybe I'll surprise myself....


Cause that's already a LOT of stuff.

Before and after pics. So you can feel good with me.

Big Bad Wolf

I pulled some inspiration from Pinterest and then created my own version of the Big Bad Wolf for Coens fairy tale project tomorrow. I liked it enough to put it on my blog so I can Pin it!

I created this costume using a brown t-shirt, a foam visor, furry craft fabric from Hobby Lobby, and black, white and yellow felt, and some elastic. The whole project came in at about $12.50. It is no-sew, and I did it in about 45 minutes using a hot glue gun, scissors and my stapler. The only tricky part was getting the elastic bands the right size for the arms and double stapling them (Crisscross) to hold on good.



Here's the back:



And if this is not cute, I don't know what is....



Yay for being handy with a glue gun!

Preciousssss Pj's

The clothes fast is over.

I actually held off on changing clothes until just now, even though it actually ended at 1pm today. It was kind of hard to hold off because I SO wanted a clean shirt, but there wasn't time for me to change, and I wanted to get a picture when I actually did. I actually woke up this morning thinking- I might just end the fast a couple hours early. What was the point? I have learned and a lot, and I got the point, right? What's a couple of hours? I was lying in bed day dreaming about a clean shirt while hubby was getting ready to leave for work. When he came in to kiss me goodbye, he said, "You made it babe! Only 6 hours to go! Great job!". Oh. Okay. Guess I'll do the other 6 hours.

So, I have just put on a clean pair of pajamas for the first time in 7 days. I hope I never say that sentence again. LOL. I have to say that when I opened my pajama drawer I sort of gasped to realize how many pair I actually HAVE. I'm actually not sure I've got the point completely because when I walked into my closet, I muttered, "Myyyyy precioussssss." Um Yeah. I did.

I do feel pretty good walking into my closet when I realize how much I've paired down from before. Ballpark- I have paired down to about 6-7 of each item- long sleeve shirts, short sleeve, tank tops, cardigans, clothes I hope to get back into. It's still a lot, but WAY less than I had. Which means, someone, somewhere has a few new outfits to help them transition.

So, here's the quick rundown. Here's what I wore this week:



Guess what? That's 14 pieces of clothes, 3 bras, 4 pair of shoes (which I actually could have gotten by with 2, but hey), 2 pair of socks,and the full load of unmentionables (not shown for all of our sakes). I should mention that the pink shirt was only worn twice and the dress, and Rangers shirt, once. Sooooo, you do the math. And after doing yard work in my only pair of jeans and Rangers tshirt on Saturday, I should tell you that those two pieces were immediately retired to the laundry bag because they were beyond help.

Here's what I did NOT use from the bag:



Ummm, yeah. The workout clothes. Not so necessary when you really think about it. Getting sweaty was not at the top of my priority list this week, as always. But especially when it's a HUGE pain in the butt to wait on your hair to dry.

So, we're done with clothes for now. I'm sure I'll be pairing down even more. Especially after gasping at my pj and excessive collection of bras.

Next up, possessions. Aren't they the same thing?!?!?!?! Stay tuned...

You're so vain. You probably think this blog is about you.

Okay, so yesterday turned out to be a TOUGH day for the clothes fast.

It started out innocently enough- Martin and I decided we'd meet for lunch at his office, because we had an errand to do over by Harry Hines, and that's where he worked. No big deal, right? I ran through my list of clothes mentally, and felt quasi-confident I could pull off an outfit that didn't look like it came out of a bag. I joked to Martin that I needed to get in the shower super early if I wanted to come see him with dry hair.

Two things I noticed in the shower. First of all, baby boy needs to start hanging his wash rags up to dry when he's done instead of just throwing it in the corner of the shower. It's my pet peeve anyway, but now that I've been washing my ONE wash rag out, hanging it to dry and re-using it, it just seems wasteful to see if laying there sopping wet and gross. Secondly, since I've been using it to wash my wash cloth, my bar of soap is dangerously low, we're talking getting down to a sliver. I have never in my life eyeballed and envied my husbands huge, brand new fresh chunk of man soap. Until now. I kind of had to hold myself back to keep from using it.

Let's cut to the actual getting ready part. Since it was still cool outside and I only have two long sleeve options, I had planned to wear my jeans, white (still slightly stained) tank top with my denim shirt over it to hide the stain. A repeat of my outfit I wore to Bible Study last week- that wasn't half bad. The only problem was, I pulled my rolled up denim shirt out of the bag and immediately noticed it was wrinkled beyond belief- despite my best efforts. GREAT. Also, when I put it on, I noted that it was starting to carry a faint, worntoomanytimes odor. NO. No, this will not work. I should tell you that the denim shirt is an item I recently purchased that I had wanted for some time now. I pictured myself classy and sophisticated in it, like "Annie" from Dallas- rockin' out my denim shirt with my riding pants and riding boots. You know- classy casual. I can tell you, this is NOT the description I would use when I looked at myself in the mirror. More like- scary girl prison inmate. Ok, no worries- I can't really get around using the denim shirt, so I'll just pair it chicly with my maxi skirt and the tank top. FAIL. I looked like a very extreme religious fanatic that was only missing the hair that goes to my ankles. Crap, crap, crap. I finally settled on my pink tshirt, with the denim shirt and jeans. Not bad. The wrinkles were working their way out, and I was ignoring the smell.

I opened up my contact case and noted that, 1) I'm almost out of solution- like maybe 2 squirts left, and 2) OH. MY. GOSH. My contact apparently did NOT make it into the solution bath the night before, and was stuck to the side of the case (you probably now realize how blind I truly am), and was shriveled up and dried. Panic, panic, panic. This is where I freak out people. I wear my glasses at home only usually, because flashbacks of my hideous giant, pink, plastic frames from junior high haunt me to this day; and I cannot bring myself to imagine I look any different than I did then. This is full on panic mode. I cannot go into my husband's office, with wrinkled, smelly clothes, and glasses on my face.

Oh, and fabulous. Looks like my hair really ISN'T going to be dry.

Ya'll this is where I had my a-ha moment and realized how stinking vain I really am. I thought the clothes thing would be no big deal for me, but this seriously made me upset. What in the world would people think?!? What if I saw Martin's boss? I know everyone in that office. Would they think I just rolled out of bed, slept in my clothes, and didn't care?

This is the actual text I sent Martin at this point.



.....and his response.



Yes. I will just use the back door. No one will have to suffer.

I tried valiantly to revive shriveled contact, and it DID kind of plump back up. But I will tell you. Holy Cow. I put that sucker on my eyeball and paid for that all day. I couldn't see, it was blurry and hurt like the dickens. I had weepy left eye for most of the day after I took it out.

I got some great support from my Bible Study girls and Alicia. Power through the vanity. Let it go. I finally decided to embrace my look. I threw my hair into a soggy bun, and rocked out my glasses. I was going for edgy librarian.

On the way to his office, I passed a homeless man pushing his shopping cart through the office park. It had a few random things in it- I'm assuming that's all he owned. Wow. That put it into perspective. Totally humbled. I had tears in my eyes. THAT is why I'm doing this. To empathize. To see these people that I have ignored and missed all this time. I dug around in my purse. What can I give this guy? (I don't think he'd want the black flats I had on- not going to help him). Wow. I had a whopping $.04 in change in my purse. No bills, nada. (Which is not unusual for me in my little cashless society world). Made me so sad. Need to think of a good solution for this. Any ideas, guys?

As we drove off to eat lunch, I noticed them everywhere. I noticed opportunities to help someone every where. And that's the point.

A Cold Wet Rat

Okay, well that was not fun. The yard guys are supposed to come today and so I had to go outside in what we Texans consider FRIGID weather for April, and scoop the dog poop and clean up the back yard. With wet hair. And just a hoodie for a jacket. Whahhhh.

Considering that it's rained for three days- my backyard was and still IS a muddy muddy mess full of dog poo, so it took me some time. (I'm not exactly sure if the yard guys will accomplish ANYTHING with this muddy mess of a yard, but we'll see). It was what I would consider too cold for my blood... and I was REALLY wishing I had gloves while I was out there. My fingers and toes were freezing. And I definitely missed my blow dryer. To give you perspective on my wimpiness, the weather app says it's 45 out, but feels like 40. Boy, am I tough.

It's also cold and damp in my house, and I just wanted to crawl back in bed to be warm. I'm ashamed to say I wasted extra water in the shower this morning because I didn't want to get out the warmth and step into the cold with wet hair, and only a light jacket. Do blankets count as clothing? If not, I might just walk around with one of those around me.

So...... I can only imagine.....

A woman on the run

Week 2 is Clothes. A lot of the girls in my group are only wearing 7 clothes for 7 days. But I decided that since my mommy wardrobe basically usually consists of jeans, yoga pants, tshirts, a hoodie and tennis shoes, I would probably not struggle there. Jen Hatmaker DID make us count our clothes, and shoes. It's embarrassing, and I've shared it with the people who need to know. That's all. But in my defense- a lot of what was in my closet was either a size too small, or business attire that didn't need to be party to spilled chocolate milk, spaghetti sauce or riding bikes with my kids. It just doesn't.

Collectively, the Women at Preston Trail are collecting gently used clothes for Hope's Door and Shiloh Place. Hope's Door is a shelter for victims of domestic violence, a place where women can go to hide, get their lives back on track. I was excited about this because I had all those really nice (some tagged) business clothes hanging in my closet. I haven't touched them in over a year. Plus I can't fit in quite a few of them. (I am working on that). The director of the shelter explained to us yesterday that these clothes will be placed in their resale store. Victims receive vouchers to shop for themselves and families for free. Excess clothes are sold to benefit the shelter's programs. So I felt good knowing that my suits, dresses and skirts were going to help a lady find a job, thereby feeding her children and providing her a safe place. I rounded up two really large trash bags of really nice, dry cleaned, pressed, barely worn clothes. Closet purge. I wish I could say I was blown away by how empty my closet was afterwards, but we're going to again call this Imperfect Progress. This was step one.


This was the stage yesterday morning with everyone's contributions. It does not yet include the contributions of the night study ladies. This is amazing. We had to get a U-Haul truck to take it over. A lot of little contributions become big.


For my fast, I decided that I would live in my clothing as a homeless person or domestic violence victim would. Whatever I could fit in the bag, would be what I wear for 7 days. Including toiletries, shoes, towel and wash cloth. (That last part is still wigging me out). After packing the bag, I was SHOCKED at how much fit when I rolled stuff. And yes, I rolled it. Because Martin saw a boho chick in Salt Lake City last week, rolling her clothes, and told me how he couldn't believe how much stuff would fit in a bag when rolled. And apparently she did all that right there in the airport, but I digress. Anyway, I rolled stuff. And I stuffed that bag. Here's what I had. (Do not laugh. It's a long list).

3 short sleeve shirts, plus the one I was wearing
1 Long sleeve denim shirt
1 tank top
1 neutral bra (plus one I was wearing)
1 black convertable strapless bra (for my church outfit and dark shirts)
4 pair undies (plus one wearing)
1 pair silver dressy flip flops
1 pair black flip flops
1 pair of black flats (calling for a lot of rain this week)
1 pair of tennis shoes
1 hoodie
1 maxi dress (that can also be worn as a skirt)
1 pair of jeans (plus capris I'm wearing)
1 sports bra
1 pair of yoga pants
pj pant, short, top
toiletries (travel size- if I had it on hand), make up, contacts, glasses, meds, hair ties, etc. Mild anxiety attack because I didn't have a travel size contact solution, and mine's almost gone. I did consider stealing hubby's from his travel bag but didn't want him to have a rude surprise on the road. So I didn't.
Dry shampoo(no blow dryer or hair spray)
3 pair of socks
1 black belt
Towel and a wash cloth
earrings, engagement and wedding band, sports watch I'm wearing

Now. Even as type this, I realize it's ridiculous. It's too much. Because I was going to allow myself one load of laundry during the week. This is NOT a stretch. But I wanted to get my work out clothes in there, and it fit. So called BFF, and we discussed and decided, that- no Laundry. Because they might not have money to go to the laundromat. So I negotiated 7 pairs of undies and an extra sports bra. She agreed. Here's my bag, packed.

I told you I packed that puppy. It took me a long time to pack this bag because I really stressed about what went in it.

After packing my bag, the fam and I were in the car, and some song came on the radio, and Mason repeated the lyrics ("your momma was a hippee"- yeah, I don't know)- and I laughed and said, "Yeah, you're gonna THINK your momma's a hippee after this week!" LOL.

Problems I've run into- neglected to pack my running hat, perfume (um, yes, since I'm repeating clothes, I'd consider this a problem for my family and friends- thank God I get to shower). Also, total first world problem- I should've thrown in some clear nail polish so I could've protected my Easter manicure which is a once a year indulgence. Sad. But, Gosh, I'm so shallow.

Problem two- it's really cold and rainy this week, and I anticipated a little rain, but not the cold. That part stinks more than anything. Because I don't like to be cold.

Problem three- accidentally broke my fast by throwing an apron over my clothes to protect them from sauce while making lasagna. It was my husband who pointed out that counted as clothes. Bless him for keeping me on track.

Problem four- my crisp white, brand new tank top drizzled in balsamic dressing. I should mention this is the top I have possibly planned for church on Sunday if I don't go with the dress option. Nice. Martin decided that it would be wasteful to let that stain sit until I can treat it Monday night, so he allowed me a Tide to Go stick and I washed it out in the sink. This is some irony because Jen Hatmaker talks about Tide To Go sticks in the book. Funny.

Problem five- what to do with my dirty laundry that I won't be wearing again- because everything has to stay in the bag- exception being toiletries. Ahem. There's only one item that applies. Martin said that if I "found" a bag to put it in, he would allow it. Ironically, I found a plastic Target bag while I was unloading my groceries. Surprise! ;)

Problem six- Unrolling, rolling, digging through one stinking bag makes it very hard to find anything, time consuming, and I look like someone who's left their laundry in the basket for three weeks, UNFOLDED. This is a challenge for me. My pet peeve.

Problem seven- I have a lotion/moisturizer addiction that I wasn't aware of. I keep it by my sink, and this week I have one tiny travel size that floats between my purse and my bag. I'm quite edgy without my hand lotion. (And yes, my purse is allowed. Because I tried on my backpack, and could still carry it).

Problem eight- I will have to transfer the stuff out of this bag into another one on Friday because Martin needs it to go camp with Mason. I had tried to get my family on board with this challenge, and they declined. The irony is, that Martin and Mason will be living out of a back pack on Friday through Sunday, and sleeping with the bugs, anyway. So I win. Muahaha.

So, that's the run down. I find that the clothes part is not that bad so far, because today I'm wearing my usual yoga pants, tennies, a top and a hoodie. If you know me well, you will ask how this is different from my usual day... well, because I have no hair dryer, and hair spray. I can't leave my house until my hair dries because it's 45 degrees outside in April in Texas for some reason. Well, I COULD leave, but I'm not.

So, pretty. Yes. Or no. What I've noticed so far: thankful for my closet. I miss just walking in and knowing where things are, and grabbing it. Dressing quickly and easily. Thankful for the chance to take a shower. Thankful for my razor- which is silly but it occurred to me that when their razor, toothpaste, shampoo runs out, they might not get to replace it. Yes, that is my ONE washcloth hanging there. I can at least brag that I'm not excessive about buying nice thick wash cloths.


Thankful that I have the money and resources to purchase the medicines my body needs.


Will keep you all posted on this fast, and what I'm learning.

Seven deadly foods

There is more than I can possibly write to say at this point, and the blogs are rolling out kids.

The first week of Seven, calls for a food fast of some type. Not fast food, unfortunately, but a food fast. I knew that this would not be an easy thing for me because, boy do I love my food. And wine.

Why did I do it? Out of thanks to God for claiming and bringing my precious two boys into his family- the thing I've prayed for my whole life. Because He IS RISEN! Out of repentance for lack of self control, waste, negligence, laziness and pride. These are the things I wrote down with tears at the beginning of the fast.

In the book, Jen lays out several ways to fast- she actually only ate the same 7 foods for 30 days. Praise the Lord, she let us off the hook and told us to experiment with seven days (or fast one day). I chose to fast from my seven favorite foods. Because when my blood sugar drops you DO NOT want to be around me. Ask my hubby. Or my kids. Hubby has been known to offer up something as small as a Tic-Tac to pull me out of a food rage. A TIC-TAC. (That did NOT go over well and has been a joke between us for many years now- thank goodness I can laugh at myself. Ahem.)

Here was my list of seven foods:

Wine sugar- hey don't judge. With the amount of drama I had last week, you would be driven to drink, too.
soda
bread
cookies/cakes
Chickfila Nuggets and/or french fries (I do not joke. This is a once a week addiction that I cannot control).
pasta
chips

Okay, so on day one, two and three I was hit with enough loved ones drama to make me reneg on #1 and switch to sugar. Yes, this is a problem; and yes, I understand it was probably a SCUD missile launched by the devil, and I failed. But there is grace in the experiment, and I will give myself some, and I'd ask that you do so too. As for sugar, this was a little hard, and of course, there were some foods, which contained sugar that I couldn't get around without going to the grocery store. But over all, I did not add sugar to anything (not even my homemade coleslaw- gasp!), and I had no desserts containing sugar (I passed up free ice cream at Jason's Deli- FREE, people!). This was not too too hard, as I did it a LOT for 6 months last year.

Giving up soda was not too bad, as, again, I did that for 6 months last year- I just substitute iced green tea, and I do fine.Biggest issue presented itself when I took Coen bowling and my body begged for a soda, and it just didn't seem NATURAL to refuse at a bowling alley. But I did. Physical benefits included a reduction in my reflux and lack of a sore throat. Which for me, is a huge blessing on its own.

Cookies and cakes, and bread presented a problem in social situations, and the fact that I had to make banana bread to use up bananas, my kids clamored for freshly baked chocolate chip cookies as a snack when friends were over, and the fact that I couldn't eat a dad-gum sandwich for lunch- which really limits your on the go choices. That and the fact that devil hid a crouton in the sunflower seeds I put on my salad at Jason's deli. I pushed that aside.

Chicfila Nuggets and fries were most missed on days when I was on the go- or my go to day- Tuesday after Bible Study. (IRONY). On day 5, I found myself day dreaming about pasta. Like, KRAFT Mac-n-cheese in the box. The yucky stuff that I don't really even enjoy. I will blame the 100DaysofRealFood girl for this because she's working on a national petition to remove dyes and additives from the product, and that haunted my Facebook feeds all week last week.

Chips. Oh, chips. How I love thee. When I added chips to my list, I was thinking, like, Lay's Potato chips- the salty kind, or sour cream and onion or Sun Chips. It occurred to me very quickly that this category also meant tortilla chips. Pita chips. My scoopers. My lovelies. I cannot believe I put chips on the list. But I made it. Even at the Mexican restaurant, where my boys and husband tormented me with tortilla chips covered in queso. (That first post-fast tortilla chip made my Easter in a way that is inexcusable).

So, this was tough, but I made it. I tell you this, not because I want to be all mopey about it, but because you could do it too. Why should you? What did I learn? Well, first of all, I learned some interesting things about the food we put in our bodies. Pork especially was a hot topic at our Bible Study table, and you'll need to read the book and study guide to understand- or, else it's a WHOLE other blog. In all seriousness, I learned how inadequate I am. I definitely see my shortcomings. My failures are GLARINGLY obvious. Hideously before me. He went to hell and back for me, and my little sacrifice of 7 days, is not a thing compared to his. I beat myself up a bit mentally for my failures before I realized he wasn't beating me up, I WAS. It made me realize the parts I will have to do again. And do right, next time. I realize how far I have to go. Those are the hard, broken things about fasting. It is very uncomfortable to see those things about yourself.

The wonderful parts? I know that it gave me clarity to deal with the situations that came up in a way that was beyond my normal capability. It was a God thing. I found myself walking around with hymns and verses bouncing around my head constantly. I can't stop singing his praises. I actually can barely keep from crying out of thankfulness. I feel like I walk around with a lump in my throat and tear in my eye. I see those around me who don't have food to eat, and I WANT to help. I want to help. I have turned a blind eye for long enough, and I want to help. It made me see the waste in my home, on my kids plates, the produce that we throw out that families in a third world country would absolutely LOVE to give their kids for the nutrients.

So, here I am. With my eyes open, my heart open. Ready for week two.