I'll never refold my laundry again.

I try not to use this blog to vent, or tirade. At least not usually. But really, I need to let off some steam. If you read this blog, you probably know me well enough to know that I am an absolute and TOTAL control freak. It never occured to me that this might be a character trait that might actually hurt someone's feelings, or be very disrespectful to others- until today. When I encountered myself- in the form of another human being.

I am on several committees, as I know most of you are as well. Being that I KNOW I'm a control freak, believe it or not- I've actually learned to reign in that "tendency" (I hear my girls snickering) during these meetings and environments. For the most part, I try to sit back and just do what I'm told. I'll offer to do things, but in all honesty, over the last couple years, I've learned it's best for me to just sit back and let someone else run the show so that I don't get dubbed "Hitler" anymore (high school yearbook). For that reason, I have turned down positions on the PTA even.

Well in the last couple months, I've worked on a couple of committees (which why do we really NEED 6 people to decide what color table cloths to use anyway, but I digress), and at one point was given responsibilities which align with the business I'm in. Makes sense. Being that I am probably OVER EFFICIENT, anal, control freakish and insecure (call it what you like), I poured my heart and soul into my research- aiming to bring the best possible scenarios to both organizations. On both occasions, I spent literally HOURS checking and rechecking myself. The first one, a lot of my ideas and things I brought to the table were shot down once someone else decided that after my hours of research, more research- on their part- was in order. Okay. FINE. (Freaked-out-Insecure-Neurotic&Emotional). I actually took that one in stride pretty well, under the circumstances, because I could tell that the spirit in which is was done was not bad.

However, today, put me over the edge. After shelving several important work projects in order focus on this particular upcoming deadline- I found out my two hours of research/work would once again, be dumped in order to be double-checked. This chick (me) did not take it well at that point.

What about my time? Wasted? Did someone else feel that I am not capable enough to handle the situation? Then why did they give me the project to begin with???? I felt like my time, efforts and energy had been abused and dis-respected. I wanted to cry, and almost did. I was angry. I wanted my two hours back, because I was then buried under my other work that wasn't done! (As I write this, I hear my friend Jenn saying, "Pride, Amanda, Pride", and you're right).

Since Martin was unavailable, I had to vent, or I WOULD cry. I called my sister, and unloaded the story. I even told her, "I KNOW I'm a control freak, but I would never hurt someone's feelings or waste their time that way, I mean, I know I refold my laundry, but really!"

I hung up feeling better, but still mad because at this point, I'd exerted so much energy and time in the project that I was now late to get my very important work package to the post office. As I drove, I realized it. I'm just as bad. How many times has Martin been kind enough to fold the laundry for me, only to have me go behind him and re-do it. I've disrespected his time, his efforts, and energy. My strive for perfection may have potentially hurt his feelings. Now, he's never said anything about it. But boy, he doesn't need too now. I've had the mirror put in front of my face, and I'll never re-fold my laundry again. And, I'm sorry if I've ever refolded yours.