It's funny how certain memories and certain people can be forever in your heart. I've mentioned my Great-Aunt Doris in a previous post. This past Sunday, she passed from this life. I'm finding myself surprisingly very emotional over her passing. For some reason, her face, her voice- lots of things about her will stay in my heart for many years. She was my Grandpa's little sister. How often does one think about that- A Grandparent's little sister or brother? I think that's one of the reasons I always liked her. I literally pictured her toddling along behind the young version of my grandfather as a kid.
She always thought of us kids- graduation, my wedding, both my babies. And she loved pictures. Maybe that's where we were kindred spirits. I like to take the pictures. She loved to look at them. Because she always remembered me, I tried to remember her as much as possible. I put her on the list to always send a picture. She always thanked me in her Christmas card every year.
And now, I'm sure I will feel a hole when I mail my pictures out this Christmas. And the boy's birthday pictures this July.
Today we found out my Grandma has some sort of cancer. The details are sketchy at this point- this is all shaking down in the midst of the funeral arrangements for Doris. My poor Grandpa. God will see us all through it.
The Family Reunion is Saturday. Two of the main people won't be there this time. How strange it will be. It feels like cornerstones of my family are slowly being chipped away.
I can't bear to think about it all at once. It's too much.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
3 under 5
It nearly gets me every time. That silly, oh-so-convenient parking space... It's right by the shopping cart coral, and it makes it easy to dump the cart after loading both kids in. But, they've marked this one POLICE ONLY now, and I steered widely to park in the open one two spaces down. You know me... follow the rules.
After I've unhooked both boys, and started our trek up to the new "Mommy Mecca" for the Steele Creek area (that is our new Super Target); I notice another woman whip right into that space that I took measures to avoid. "How DARE she?" I thought. "She better hope no one robs the store while we're in here." I watched her exit the car, and glance hurriedly toward the cart coral. She seemed, agitated... Oh well, and I entered Target to fill our our prescriptions for the 3rd round of antibiotics this month.
10 minutes later, I'm nearly run down in the aisle by a two-tot grocery cart... you know the kind. I hated them until I had my second child. Now- they don't seem so bad. I glance at the driver, only to find that she is the woman who parked in the Police spot outside. And then, I realize the reason for her haste. One kid strapped in- about 18 months, one kid strapped in- about 3, and another infant riding in the carrier in the basket. "Ohhhhhhh." I thought. I know that look, the one pasted on her face..... "Just get in, get out, and get it done. Everyone OUT OF MY WAY.... Baby, please don't cry, SIT DOWN! No, you can't have a cookie from the deli!" The desperate, haggard face of an over-tired Mom. Dressed to kill in her crumpled fund-raising event t-shirt, mom-jeans, and tennis shoes.
Don't worry girls... I'm not talking about anyone we know, but it might as well have been... I wanted to help her after that. "Can I carry your bags? Open the door for you? Do you want the Handicap spot?"
There really ought to be a tag for that.... "I can park here because I have three kids under 5!"
After I've unhooked both boys, and started our trek up to the new "Mommy Mecca" for the Steele Creek area (that is our new Super Target); I notice another woman whip right into that space that I took measures to avoid. "How DARE she?" I thought. "She better hope no one robs the store while we're in here." I watched her exit the car, and glance hurriedly toward the cart coral. She seemed, agitated... Oh well, and I entered Target to fill our our prescriptions for the 3rd round of antibiotics this month.
10 minutes later, I'm nearly run down in the aisle by a two-tot grocery cart... you know the kind. I hated them until I had my second child. Now- they don't seem so bad. I glance at the driver, only to find that she is the woman who parked in the Police spot outside. And then, I realize the reason for her haste. One kid strapped in- about 18 months, one kid strapped in- about 3, and another infant riding in the carrier in the basket. "Ohhhhhhh." I thought. I know that look, the one pasted on her face..... "Just get in, get out, and get it done. Everyone OUT OF MY WAY.... Baby, please don't cry, SIT DOWN! No, you can't have a cookie from the deli!" The desperate, haggard face of an over-tired Mom. Dressed to kill in her crumpled fund-raising event t-shirt, mom-jeans, and tennis shoes.
Don't worry girls... I'm not talking about anyone we know, but it might as well have been... I wanted to help her after that. "Can I carry your bags? Open the door for you? Do you want the Handicap spot?"
There really ought to be a tag for that.... "I can park here because I have three kids under 5!"
Friday, May 4, 2007
"Bearing Gifts as if they're burdens... This is how it's been..."
Friday, 5/4/07
As Ginny Owens says- I've been "bearing gifts as if they're burdens"... Sometimes I feel that people run from me, so that I will not start in on the latest long list of complaints. I feel sometimes that my life is one long list of complaints. I swore I wouldn't become this way, but I feel it's a losing battle.
Why do I have so much to complain about, when I have so much to be thankful for? The end result is guilt. I feel so guilty all the time. I have tried so hard to hand this guilt over to Christ, but it always gets in the way.
That's probably the reason why I write this blog- it is a desperate attempt to focus on the good in my life, instead of the things that truly bother me. Even the name- "My Surreal Life"....
I want and TRY so hard to be happy. Maybe that is where I fall short- TRYING so hard. And then when it doesn't happen that way, I feel like a failure, and then guilty for not doing enough to achieve it. The funny part is, I KNOW that I can do nothing to achieve happiness. Happiness is a moment to moment choice, made in the Lord.
Lately, when I feel the worst, I pull out my Bible, flop it open, where it may, and read a chapter. It has done wonders for calming me down.
The stress is the worst part. Dealing with the "day to day living" is wearing me out. My beautiful boys, are wearing me out. My lovely house, that never seems to stay clean, is wearing me out. My job, that seems to be taking off- is wearing me out. And suddenly, all the blessings in my life become burdens, and I'm not enjoying them. I'm tired.
I will just keep plugging away. Pulling out my Bible when I feel so overwhelmed- counting on God to help me catch my breath.
As Ginny Owens says- I've been "bearing gifts as if they're burdens"... Sometimes I feel that people run from me, so that I will not start in on the latest long list of complaints. I feel sometimes that my life is one long list of complaints. I swore I wouldn't become this way, but I feel it's a losing battle.
Why do I have so much to complain about, when I have so much to be thankful for? The end result is guilt. I feel so guilty all the time. I have tried so hard to hand this guilt over to Christ, but it always gets in the way.
That's probably the reason why I write this blog- it is a desperate attempt to focus on the good in my life, instead of the things that truly bother me. Even the name- "My Surreal Life"....
I want and TRY so hard to be happy. Maybe that is where I fall short- TRYING so hard. And then when it doesn't happen that way, I feel like a failure, and then guilty for not doing enough to achieve it. The funny part is, I KNOW that I can do nothing to achieve happiness. Happiness is a moment to moment choice, made in the Lord.
Lately, when I feel the worst, I pull out my Bible, flop it open, where it may, and read a chapter. It has done wonders for calming me down.
The stress is the worst part. Dealing with the "day to day living" is wearing me out. My beautiful boys, are wearing me out. My lovely house, that never seems to stay clean, is wearing me out. My job, that seems to be taking off- is wearing me out. And suddenly, all the blessings in my life become burdens, and I'm not enjoying them. I'm tired.
I will just keep plugging away. Pulling out my Bible when I feel so overwhelmed- counting on God to help me catch my breath.
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