Pressures of the WAHSAHM

I, as a wife and mother, am in a very unique situation. I have been blessed to find myself in a role that most moms would love to have. Some days I'm glad I have it, some days, I'm not.

I have the privelege of being a Work-at-Home-Stay-at-Home-Mom... "WAHSAHM" for short. Notice that it doesn't say SAHM, as in Stay-at-Home-Mom- the term applied to mothers who do not work outside the home. That in itself is another topic for me. Those women work their tails off.... but, I digress.

There are some days when I feel that the pressures of being a WAHSAHM are immeasurable, and insurmountable. I have been in two roles, as a Mom. I have been both full-time employee while being a mom, and now, a WAHSAHM. The reality is, as most women are finding out- you can't give 100% at both (work and family), all the time. You will have nothing left. So something suffers, or you do a mediocre job at both. Please know that I am not picking on Moms who work outside the home. As I said, I was once in that role too, by necessity- but as our financial situation changed a bit, I decided I would try it this way.

Anyway, when I worked full-time- I felt that people (husband, family, boss, neighbors, friends) somehow cut me some slack- if the house was a mess, the laundry wasn't done, or I was scatter-brained. Because, after all- and I heard this lots of times- "you can't do everything!"

Now, my slack dwindles down to nothing. Afterall, I'm a WAHSAHM- (most people forget the WAH, and just think of me as a SAHM), and getting everything done should be fairly easy. I'm home all day, right?

WRONG. Baby still cries spontaneously, and erratically, kids need to eat, lunch has to be packed, house cleaned, laundry done. Clients will call while you're wiping poop, or giving a bath (thank God for voice mail). A quick trip to the computer to check your email for work ends up being an hour-and-a half goose chase to tie up a loose end. And suddenly, not only do I suffer from Mother's Attention Deficit Disorder, but I throw work in there too.

Now, it would be wrong for me to say that I don't enjoy my position. I do. There are days when it is GREAT. I take Mason outside, or we make crafts, or play UNO in the middle of the day. But, there are days like the ones I mentioned, when clients are calling, and I'm giving him the "evil eye" or shooshing him when I'm on the phone. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to decide what to do first- answer that long-awaited return phone call from a customer, or give Mason a snack...

The reality of it is, I am still trying to meet everyone's expectations. SAHMs are supposed to be raising perfect children, and maintaining clean houses, happy husbands, and having play-dates and girls' night outs. I'm striving to do this, while pulling in that extra money we must have every month. And the months when I'm not pulling it in- well, believe me, we feel it.

Martin has told me over and over again, that he doesn't expect those things. The reality of it, is that he does. And he deserves to. He works hard all day, and deserves those things. I want to give him those things. So a lot of the pressure comes from within myself. My strive to give everyone what they want, and what they need.

Some days the reality of those pressures are too much, and I want to sit on the couch, and just be that fabled woman that eats the bon-bons and watches TV all day (does she exist? I doubt it).

The bottom line is, the Bible says it's my job to raise children in the Godly way they should go. Think about the implications of that. That alone is a HUGE job. It's what I expect of myself.

Nacho Phone

Well, this past weekend, my family and I traveled to Jacksonville, NC to visit with Tim while he had his final leave before being deployed for a distant location. We didn't actually know for sure when, and where he'd be deployed, but the 96 hour leave is a signal that it is approaching.

It made for an interesting trip- three cars, 12 people, 1 dog (at least I THINK it was 12 people- sometimes it can seem like 30). Along the way, we stopped to eat dinner at one of the few places along the way- Taco Bell. Everyone was in a hurry to get to the base, and even the stop seemed a little rushed. Or, maybe I was the only one who felt that way- I had to feed myself AND Coen, so everyone was kind of staring at me while I ate. A good girlfriend called me on my cell phone while we were eating, and we had a short conversation. Later, as I dumped my tray, I had the distinct feeling that I'd thrown my wallet away. I walked over to my bag, and saw my wallet, and felt better. Ran to the bathroom, and then came out to find everyone else had gone to the car caravan.

Cut to a couple hours later... we'd picked up Tim, and Martin and I radioed (yes, radio'd- Dyes don't function without Nextels) that we needed to stop and pick up a few things for the kids before we reached the house, and settled in. Walmart was the pit stop. I told Martin that I hoped we could run in, and run out, because at this point it was 10:45, and I really didn't want everyone to unload. These things can turn into all out field trips when you have 12 of my family wandering loose through Walmart. So, I stayed in the car, with the two kids- now crabby, cranky and tired- while Martin "ran" in. The next thing I know- I see everyone making their way to the doors of the Walmart. I start panicking. NO WAY I'm staying in the car with two cranky kids while everyone else does their Christmas shopping for next year. I grab my diaper bag. "I'll fix them- I'll just call them, and put a stop to this before it even gets started". Reach in to find my cell phone.... cell phone.... where's my cell phone????!!!!

I groan, as the instant replay from Taco Bell plays through my mind- the call from a friend, the tray that felt too heavy, the glance back to my bag to make sure that I hadn't thrown my wallet away. Now I know. Said cell phone is now at the bottom of the Taco Bell trashcan, covered in nacho cheese and Dr. Pepper, two hours back.

I won't say what this did for my demeanor at 11:00 o'clock at night, sitting in a VERY SCARY Walmart parking lot, by myself, with two tired, cranky kids. But, let's just say, (when they finally joined me again 45 minutes later), word spread quickly throughout the family, and everyone was scared to talk to me for a while.

Needless to say, the cell phone has been replaced. Same number, cheaper version of phone- that cost $149 more than my much nicer one. Moral of the story- check your tray.

***Newsflash and update on brother Tim****- Tim has had an incident today while working with the Howitzer cannons he fires. A 500 pound portion of the cannon fell on his foot- breaking two bones. He will now have to have surgery on his foot on Thursday, and will have to have 6 pins. Recovery on this has been mentioned to be 6-8 weeks with the pins in. We know that this has happened for a reason, but I'm sure it is very hard on Tim, nevertheless. I can't imagine the toll this will take on him physically, and mentally as well. Please pray for him.

"Mmmmm.... Coooookieeee"

I slap my own hand away, as I reach for the cookie jar, and Cookie Monster's voice echos through my head....."Mmmmm, Coooookieeeee". Then, the voice inside my own head answers, "Cookie not worth it".

Anybody else dieting? Martin and I have decided to join the rest of the world in their New Year's Resolutions to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. I'm now entering my third week. I'm down 2.5 pounds. Big deal. It sure seems like a lot of work for the weight of half a bag of sugar.

Several people have asked me why I'm dieting. Because I weigh more than I have in my whole life. Because I'm approaching 30, and my metabolism is slowing down. Because my clothes are too tight. Because I'm noticing fat in places I never have before. Because I initially lost all the baby weight, and have now regained it and then some. Sound good?

I joined the National Body Challenge on DiscoveryHealth.com, and signed up on Self.com for Reach Your Goal. Both have been good tools. I'm sort of cross-using them. National Body Challenge has lots of good for you recipes- and has me using lots of whole grain everything, and reduced fat cheeses. Self.com has better journals, though.

Nevertheless, Martin and I continue to plug along in our reduced calorie diets. We laugh on the phone together- talking about our lunches. Earlier today we were discussing how a bag of Baked Lays can taste so good. We were at a breaking point yesterday, so I looked up an Oatmeal cookie recipe from Weight Watchers online. Even those have 104 calories a cookie.

But now, they fill my cookie jar, and everynow and then, I WILL reach for one... "Mmmmm, Coooookieeee".