Backpacks and Lunch Sacks

So, it's the first day of school for North Texas/Dallas kids, and mine was one of them.

He bounded out of bed, and I couldn't get ready fast enough for him. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot- I'm usually the one pushing him. Mason was definitely excited, and gobbled up his breakfast, and did everything I asked- right on cue. Strap on the brand-spankin' new Clone Wars backpack, insert lunch bag and Darth Vader water bottle, and he was ready to roll. Coen, of course, could not leave the house without his brand spankin' new Thomas the Train backpack, (even though his first day of preschool is not for a week), so the empty backpack was placed on his back, with some help from big brother.

Mason did great, and only hesitated slightly before exiting the car, because he was worried that he couldn't remember where his class was. I reminded him, that he would be okay because he just has to wait in the cafeteria, and they come and get him.

With a quick kiss, he jumped from the car, and bounded across the playground- so excited and headed for first grade. It brought tears to my eyes, because I know that pretty soon, the sweet years of excited about school will be over, and it will not be cool to kiss me good bye, and definitely not cool to run across the playground because you can't wait to get in there. Oh, my heart.

Restlessness

It's difficult to know that my mom is sick, and be far away. I knew it would be tough, but, I guess I didn't realize how helpless I would feel. My consolation was that there are four other kids, and hopefully, they all pull together. I find myself on the phone with them, working with my sister to pull them together. I feel this ache in my heart. I feel like time is slipping away, and I'm starting to get scared. Most know that Mom and I have had a rough time of it over the last, oh I don't know- 25 years of my life, and if you know me well enough to read this blog, and keep up with it, you probably really know.

It's difficult to know I have finally started to find a relationship with her, and feel like something looms on the horizon that could take it away. Today, more scary news, and I feel this restlessness. Agitated. I'm the oldest of the five- the doer- the get it done girl. No nonsense. My sister is the compassionate one, thinking of and doing the things that are the least appealing- not really wanting to, but having the heart to do it anyway. I hope she knows that I appreciate that she's the one who will go and wash Mom's hair, or shop for pajamas, or sit for hours in the emergency waiting room. I'll happily wash the dishes, organize the family, send the email updates, make the calls- the streamlined stuff. I wish I had the heart for the other.

But right now, I'm a thousand miles away, and the stuff I'm good at.... I'm not there to do it. I feel guilty that I'm not there to make sure Dad eats a decent dinner, instead of that cheeseburger he probably just picked up at Wendy's. I'm not there to wash the laundry, or clean the kitchen. I'm far away, so I feel a little out of the loop, because I'm not there hearing what the Dr. says firsthand, and therefore, I'm not sending the email updates.

Right now, I've had to settle for being the one who calls in the middle of the day and just talks to her. Company I guess she wants, because all my life I've been told to be quiet, and she let me talk on and on for an hour and a half the other day. She has become my friend. She is the one who I call when the kids are sick. Or when I need that recipe. Or when I'm at my wits' end with the kids, and I'm thinking of running away- I can always call her because she had five kids, and she was crazy, too. I hear myself repeating to people over and over again- "I'm not sure how my mom did it.... she had five kids- and three were boys." I see myself becoming like her, and when I was younger, that was the bane of my existence, but now, I'm starting to see her good qualities, and I start to not mind so much.

Chivalry is not dead

One of my favorite Olympic moments so far has been one that was very brief and fleeting. After commandeering the TV from my Sponge-Bob obsessed kids, I flipped over NBC to catch a moment of glory for three US women. Hearing the Star Spangled Banner during the Olympics is always a good thing, but as I saw the flag rising above the crowd, I quickly realized that there was not one US flag, but three; and the Gold, Silver, and Bronze podiums were all usurped by US women, beaming proudly from the top of the world. Tears streamed down the gold winner's face, and at that point, I was just trying to figure out what event it was. (At this point, I believe I was watching the winners of Women's Fencing).

It was a proud moment, and the announcer commented while the camera man scanned the crowd, and noted former President George H.W. Bush "displaying obvious pride" as he looked on. The girls all crossed to shake hands with the former President, beaming, crying, and jubiliant; and in a flash, I noticed- although the announcer didn't, that Mr. Bush fished into his pocket, and removed a white handkerchief, which he handed down to one of the girls- asking her to pass it to the crying winner.

What a moment- she can not only frame her gold medal, but perhaps place the handkerchief of a former US President beside it! And I was VERY impressed, and thought it was the coolest thing ever- that not only did he have a handkerchief on his person, but did in fact, have the presence of mind, and chivalry to actually offer it to a crying woman! What a notable act!

Life's Scary Moments

I'm surrounded by stories of life's scariest moments...

"They just moved there- now he may no longer have a job." "Her son is waiting for a heart cathertization- again." "I don't know how I'll pay the rent." "Her father is seriously ill- it's just a matter of time." "She lost the baby." "Her neighbor has leukemia." "Her mom is in the hospital." "They had to move her to a new floor- the one for Alzeheimer's patients."

News, usually not good. I'm reminded of the scene in Bruce Almighty, where Jim Carey is bombarded with the prayers of everyone in the tri-state area. These thoughts cram into my mind, as I dwell on, and pray for the well-being of those around me, whom I know, and love. Carrying their burdens in my heart, sometimes, as if they were my own. I just keep thinking that life was so much simpler when we were kids- so oblivious. Meanwhile, our parents were watching those they knew and loved around THEM, unravel with the beatings of day to day life on this earth.

Thank God that our hope is in the Lord. He knows the plans He has for all of us- plans to prosper us, not harm us. And I am just so thankful. Everytime I hear another prayer request, I thank God for what he's done for me.